Here’s What’s Up With Me

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For starters I can’t choose between that giph or

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But they both make me smile and I think they fit some of what I feel besides exhausted. Let’s just enjoy them both.

I told you before that Here’s What’s Up is going to be a regular series of posts ranging from topics about me (Here’s What’s Up With Me), bookish things (Here’s What’s Up Book Lovers) and stuff out in the world/news (Here’s What Else Is Up). While that post might not have given you a clear direction, look at these posts like this, they’re updates, insightful updates. To update my Here’s What’s Up post I will add that I’m going to post these every Saturday. That’s the plan so stay tuned. Now back to our regularly scheduled progam.

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Here’s What’s Up With Me [This Week]

Wow it has been a week, gosh. The last few days my mother (thank you, love her!) has been helping me move out of the apartment I’ve had for 11-1/2 years (it’s been that long). (To give credit where credit is due my sister helped me start the process.) Let me be honest people, I suck at moving. Some people just have a knack for it, I’m not that person. I’ll help you, and I’ll be helpful definitely, but moving my own stuff? Oh no…

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And I’m not done. But that’s fine. It’s spring cleaning time my friends! My apartment was small so I just figured hey, can’t be that bad. Yes it can. And it was. I did not realize how much I had gathered and collected over the years. Sacrifices must be made! Books though? Oh people leave me alone (yes all you non-book people in my life I’m talking to YOU) about getting rid of my books. People be like, oh toss it, just get rid of them.

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Shhh, I will be selling and giving some away, I need to make room, but that’s between me and you. But moving has made me want to purge real bad. Real bad.

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It is inspiring and scary. It’s not easy for me to get rid of stuff, I form weird attachments to things especially if I’ve had it for some time. The memories seem to embed themselves in these things like smells and stains. There’s a little stuffed bear I got for Valentine’s Day, aw it’s so cute. What! You’re a grown ass woman throw it away! OMG! And then I threw the bear away. You won’t convince me to throw it all away (amazing how many people find this so easy when it’s NOT their stuff) but I have seen the error in my ways. So Here’s What’s Up with me!

Getting rid of stuff is like shedding your skin. And if you’ve ever seen something after it’s shed you’ve seen how beautiful that new layer is. My Ball Python is iridescent and shiny after he sheds. He’s truly beautiful, more beautiful, handsome, whatever. This is an opportunity for me to be reborn, kind of, and kick off some cool stuff. There’s so much stress smog in my air these days something’s got to give and I tell you it’s going to be me. But as we kept saying moving heavy stuff down the stairs, this is a controlled slide.

Life will get the best of you sometimes and it will kick your ass. But you know, it doesn’t always have to be an uncontrolled slide. You can handle this. YOU. CAN. HANDLE. THIS.

At the beginning I thought yeah there’s a lot to do but we got this, won’t take that long. Near the end reality hit me. The truck was filling and there was still so much to do! I felt like I was about to have a panic attack or break down. I got to feeling like I really need to sit down, hide in a closet or something, close the door and put my head in my hands. Is this for real? Do I really have this much stuff? Are we going to be here all night? Oh my God I’m wearing her down. Oh my God she did not know she was going to have to work this hard. Oh my God I did not know it was going to be this hard! I’m terrible. This is terrible! I just wanted to run and scream. Maybe I should just leave all this stuff. Yeah, no.

First of all it would make me crazy to not know just what I left behind and not have made an intentional decision on each thing to be rid of it. And second, that’s just bad karma. No. Not right. But I do not need this stuff and I can’t handle any more stress in my life right now, I’m imploding! What have I done?! Oh gosh yeah I got this dramatic in my head because, it’s sad but it’s true. Life has gotten away from me. All of it.

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But I want better. I want more. This doesn’t have to be terrible. New is good. I love reading because through books I see other worlds, observations, viewpoints, and ways of life. New. I see different. In agitated almost panicked state, I needed a different view. Through writing I get to explore my own visions and experiences and imagination. Then I can take that out into the world and say, look at this, what do you think? What do you observe? Like books ask me, at least I think so sometimes.

But I can’t do these things if I’m always stressed out and holding on to things, figuratively and literally. If it’s not working for you let it go. I mean, get your work done. Don’t let that panicked state own you. Control that slide! So that’s why Here’s What’s Up With Me this week was about this move. Controlled slide. This move is catapulting me into this new direction because it was and is a call to action like so many other things in my life. From writing to work to the personal. A new chapter is here folks and I’m taking it all in. Moving isn’t just physical, it’s transformative.

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How’s about you, what’s up with you? Are you going through something transformative? On a small or grand scale, it all counts. Whether you’re transforming your arms to wings or shedding a whole layer of yourself, it’s something and YOU CAN FN DO IT. Don’t focus on how hard it is, that’ll drive you crazy. Picture what you want to do with this new self, or place, or phase, what have you. Picture your newness. Remember, theme for this spring, CONTROLLED SLIDES.

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Here’s What’s Up

Here’s what’s up this week! An introduction to a new series of posts I’m starting. I do like the idea of having a regular feature so to speak. So, here’s what’s up!

My goal with my blog this time around is to be a bit more focused. I will still bring you a variety of different things like occasional interesting bits of my fun with photography, I mean who doesn’t like to look at stuff?

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Here’s What’s Up Book Lovers

Officially, I’m going to focus more on reading and writing. While I’d love to share all that I’m writing with you, I can’t because I’ve got plans to submit and well most publications want to be first. And my novel is still very much a work in progress. Best to let it simmer in secret. That doesn’t mean we won’t be talking about writing but there will be heavy focus on reading. SO call me A Book Blogger (plus, okay don’t forget the plus)! What can I say, I like to read. And so can blame me, I’m a writer after all. Here’s What’s Up Book Lovers might feature updates to my 2019 TBR in detail, a new book blogger I found and want to feature, fun insights on writing, news from authors and books I like. LIKE Sue Burke’s book Semiosis has been nominated for the Kitschies Golden Tentacle Award. The Kitschies are British awards for “the year’s most progressive, intelligent and entertaining fiction that contain elements of the speculative or fantastic”. The Golden Tentacle she goes on to say is for debut authors. Stuff like that!

In addition to hearing about books and from other book bloggers – you know I got to network and support my fellow book lovers and writers – you’re also going to hear about my personal struggles. Now this is a fragile point of glass. What kind of blogger does this make me? Not a lifestyle…?

Here’s What’s Up With Me

Sometimes we divulge our personal lives with ease and I am a bit of a confessionalist, a bit or more. At other times we stand at the door with our eyes on the peep hole wondering whether or not to open and share. I’m both these things. I love to share and I hate to let people in beyond my control. However, what I have known for a long time is that we can help each other through our experiences. It’ll take some strength and heart for me to really open the doors for you but I’m going to get creative and I’m going to open doors and windows. Bring in the light baby!

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I struggle with anxiety and have for many many years; I struggle with whether or not to say for most of my life. In addition to my anxiety I have obsessive thoughts. While I don’t believe I’m OCD I have in the last year been struggling with some compulsions, all founded on obsessive thoughts. It is a strength I know to share my struggles and yet I feel vulnerable putting it out in the open. It’s not difficult for me to tell you I have anxiety issues, but to put it in words and publish it means that I can’t stop it. Whereas in real time there are days I want to talk to everyone about having anxiety and then there are days I just don’t want to talk to anyone period.

When you’re writing a blog it might seem obvious to share things that are personal. Sure it could be uncomfortable but you want to connect with people. However once I tell you, I’ve told you and I don’t know what you’ll think or feel. I don’t want to be painted with pity nor do I want you to think this is a cry for attention. I think the latter is the worst. I don’t want your attention on me for my anxiety, although I do want your attention on the issue of anxiety. That said I do want your attention on me so you get to know me as a person and a writer. I have self-published a collection of poetry (please contact me if you’d like to know more, links are forthcoming), and I am working on my first novel in addition to short stories. (Writerly facts about me thrown out at random.)

Here’s What Else Is Up

There’s a lot going on in my life, reading and writing are definitely some of those things but they aren’t the only. When I think it’s relevant or helpful I’ll share about these other things. And if I find a clever way (I will) to share about my life regularly, you can expect I will. For the time being (right now it’s 8 Mar 2019), expect a book blog. Simple. But, don’t be suprised if you find author interviews, interviews of all kinds, and more in the future because I am ambitious. Anxiety may kick my ass from time to time but at the end of the day, I’m in charge. I’m the one who wakes up and runs this ship so I’m the one you get to know. My anxiety, eh, it’s like the weather. We’ll talk about it in passing.

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In summary, here’s what’s up posts will consist of weekly updates and/or bits of news of what’s happening in my world, the world, and/or the book world. And you’ll see such headings as those above to give you an idea of the topic/category. The above was a summary of what you might expect but also like I said, an introduction to what’s up with me and this blog.

Please do bear with me as I get this all figured out. Some might be a bit convoluted or drug out but

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